How many of us have left a one-on-one with our boss thinking…
- “Well, that was odd. I wonder what I was supposed to hear from that conversation?”
- “Was I just told I was great or terrible?”
- “I was supposed to bring an agenda, but she/he did all the talking!”
As leaders, we know consistent, constructive feedback is essential to a high-performing organization, but this isn’t the reaction we seek. We are falling short.
Four reasons your feedback is falling short:
- We give feedback without preparation. Good preparation includes details, specific examples, a desired outcome, and a set time to follow up. Failure to include these elements in our conversation can lead to confusion and misunderstanding.
- We sandwich the bad with the good. This strategy, often termed a “compliment sandwich,” can confuse what the issue is. It’s best to be direct about the issue that needs priority. If you must put the two sides together, be mindful to separate the actions by pausing and adding examples.
- We expect the receiving person to understand what we are saying without allowing for clarification and agreement. Rushing to say, “Do you understand?” without verbal confirmation and restatement of the conversation will not clear up confusion. Stay in this area as long as necessary to gain clarity between both parties. Unvoiced expectations will never be met.
- We fail to follow up with positive and constructive “in-time” observations. Most people come to work to do a good job and need to build an understanding that they are doing the right things. Be specific in the feedback you give them as soon as possible.
Many times, providing feedback can be stressful. Emotions can sabotage our ability to think clearly. However, practicing this skill can lower the anxiety and allow for a better outcome. Just like in playing a sport, there are drills you rehearse over and over again. Why? So that when it’s game time, you intuitively know how your body needs to move. This muscle memory exercise can also be applied to feedback so that when the moment is critical, comments are delivered well and with consistency.
Five ways to practice giving feedback:
- Prepare by thinking through the who, what, when, where, and how. Include examples: What behavior needs to be highlighted? If a request for a new behavior is made, be specific. Make the request time-bound, with a date for follow-up.
- Role play with another team member, ideally someone you are a peer with. Ask for feedback on how you provided clarity, examples, and expectations, as well as how you responded to questions and reactions from the other person.
- Practice active listening. Focus on listening without interrupting, seeking to understand before responding.
- Engage in feedback shadowing. Observe your mentor giving feedback and/or ask an experienced leader in your company how they provide feedback.
- Grade your feedback. Give yourself a grade, and if appropriate, ask the person to whom you’re providing feedback to grade how you did. This opens an opportunity for further discussion and deepens the relationship.
Practice removes the anxiety around giving feedback for the deliverer, allowing for a more consistent, specific, and thoughtful conversation. On the receiving side, this consistent approach creates a learning environment where people leave with a much clearer picture of expectations, with practical examples of how to apply the feedback to their jobs. Plus, they have a model to use for their own feedback to others.
Now, go practice.
Take the next steps
At 4A Ventures, we provide the advice, access, accountability, and action you need to turn your long-term goals into an actionable, offensive strategy. Take the next step and transform how you view feedback and create an environment where honest, constructive feedback flows freely.